Can I Have It All
CAN I HAVE IT ALL?
“With the remarkable honesty of her experiences and observations, Anuranjita highlights the unique challenges that shape the lives of women the world over. Her story is an inspirational tale of personal and professional success, and a powerful reminder of what we need to do – both as individuals and as a society – to unleash the full potential of women, so that they can take up their rightful places in our economies and communities.”
– Cherie Blair, CBE, QC
A FEW WORDS…FOR…
CAN I HAVE IT ALL?
‘Women have an incredible inner strength and resilience to overcome the challenges that our patriarchal society poses to them, as is ably demonstrated in this book. Anuranjita’s narrative is lucid, relevant and pragmatic for today’s woman who plays multiple roles and aspires to have it all. The focus of the book is on every woman who is looking to tap into her convictions and beliefs – whether at home or at work. It brings alive the magic of simple, but powerful, choices women can and must make each and every day, to follow their dreams and realize their true potential.’
Shabana Azmi, Actor, Social Activist
‘This book will provide you with an insight into the choices that women make at every stage of their life and career. While we all have tough decisions to make, it is remarkable to see how women have to balance their decisions at all times, prioritizing between family and work. Anu, through her own experience, describes these real life nuances at work and home with candor. A must read for young adults, both men and women.’
Pramit Jhaveri, CEO, Citi India
‘Anyone leading or navigating today’s business environment faced with the rapidly changing societal norms will find Can I have it All? an invaluable must read. Kumar rivets us to the pages as she chronicles her journey and choices from a small town in India to the complexities of the world of global corporations. She gives us insight into the thought processes behind her real-life choices, dilemmas and outcomes, as she traverses the challenges of career success, marriage, maternity, and family expectations and traditions. In the conclusion, she shares the attributes and skills one would need to thrive on this journey no matter the choices made-this is truly a guide for us all.’
Henry G. Jackson, President and Chief Executive Officer,
Society for Human Resource Management
‘Can I have it all?’ is an engaging chronicle that resonates with the reader at multiple levels. A great read for anyone looking to discover their purpose, reflect upon their choices or simply ignite their courage and conviction. Anuranjita’s narration sums up how one’s focus to pursue their passion at work can shape their identity with every passing and defining milestone.’
Kalpana Morparia, CEO, J.P. Morgan, India
‘In today’s fast paced world, both men and women have to balance multiple priorities. However, I find that women are often conflicted and feel guilty with regards to balancing their time between personal and professional. Anuranjita’s book beautifully illustrates how women have straddled these different worlds, dream big and yet aspire to have all that their hearts desire. More importantly, it unveils the importance of being content with one’s choices as they fearlessly pursue their passions and feel fulfilled.’
Anu Agha, Director, Thermax Limited
‘In her book, ‘Can I Have it All’, Anuranjita reveals that in every woman’s life, there are two key ingredients – confidence and conviction – needed to help satisfy both, her career aspirations, and her responsibilities at home, resulting in the perfect recipe to realizing her dreams. Her insightful narrative will compel every reader to come forth with conviction and work fearlessly as they create their own formula for a fulfilling life.’
Swati A. Piramal, Vice Chairperson, Piramal Enterprises Limited
ANURANJITA KUMAR
CAN I HAVE IT ALL?
Trials and Triumphs in a
woman’s journey through the
corporate landscape
First published in India 2015
© 2015 by Anuranjita Kumar
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This book is dedicated to my children Sid and Avni…for their patience, their understanding, their love.
Thank you for coming into my life…thank you for bringing such joy, fun and laughter into my life…for all the time we spent together and the time we could not, but you were always in my thoughts…from Mamma with love !
The Author has pledged her complete proceeds from this book to the Cherie Blair Foundation for Women
CONTENTS
Acknowledgements
Preface
Introduction: Climbing the Corporate Ladder
1. Clarity of Purpose
2. Conviction
3. Choices
4. Courage
5. Confidence
6. Connect
7. Collaboration, Partnerships and… Competition
8. Crossing Over
Conclusion
Annexure
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Iwould like to thank several people for their guidance – without their support, my journey of authoring this book may not have even commenced.
There were many inflection points in my career. My career journey may not have been as long and fulfilling had it not been for Sandeep my husband, who has not only been an integral part of my life, but encouraged me into professional adventures that I sometimes felt afraid of…his calm and self assured attitude towards our family life has been the corner – stone of the successful journey I experienced. Hand-in-hand we have worked through every challenge life has thrown at us, and there have been plenty. Thank you Kats!
I have learned the invaluable life lessons of tenacity and drive from my mother Dr. Kiran Kumari and the attitude of “never say die” from m
y father Dr. Ajit Kumar. My parents gave me the confidence to dream big, the space to define my path and trusted my decisions that were sometime hard to fathom! It was their unflinching support during my career that was not only integral to my journey but also kept me going on my path. I would like to express my profound gratitude to them.
Thank you Tooba Modassir for your partnership, I remain indebted to you for sharing my passion in this “Book Project” and supporting me all the way to discover this treasure. You helped me work through each step of it. Without your support I would never have been able to translate my thoughts into this book. I truly cherish our friendship and admire your thoughts for the cause.
The “dream team”… I am grateful for your unconditional support in translating this dream into a reality…this is a group of volunteers who have been committed to the topic and cause of the book and gave their time to propagate it by creating awareness and reach. Each of you made a huge difference. Thank you Asif Zafar Khan, Anantika Kumari, Anisha Ratwani, Bhanu Singhal, Sugandha Agnani, Prateek Roy, Poonam Sharma, Shahin Dastur Jasudha Kirpalani and Debasis Ghosh.
I would like to my express heartfelt gratitude to my team members, both past and present and the Citi colleagues who made my experience so rich and worthwhile. Our time together has provided precious memories that I carry for life.
Very special thanks to Pramit Jhaveri, CEO, Citi India, D Shivakumar – Chairman, CEO, PepsiCo India and, Niren Chaudhary – President – Yum! Restaurants India, for their support, advice and perspective on the topic and future trends!
I am grateful to Abhijit Bhaduri for his support and guidance in this journey. His steer through every step of this project has been of tremendous value.
Finally thanks to the Bloomsbury team for giving me an opportunity to share my thoughts and beliefs with the larger audience through this book.
PREFACE
Iam an ordinary woman from a small town in India. With big dreams in my heart, I have a yearning to touch the sky. I’m a simple person, brought up by parents who gave me a modest yet comfortable life, filled with rich learning. I am a happy individual who has seen the trials and tribulations of life and learnt to survive; a rebel who loves change and conforms to norms imbibed and created by myself.
I wish to share my story with women and men who would like to understand the professional journey of an ordinary, smalltown woman. These efforts would be worthwhile if I can help someone smile, feel hopeful and optimistic and less lonely when faced with conflicts like I did.
This book intends to capture and share my experiential learning of what I love, that is, life itself. I like to believe that I have lived life to its fullest, despite its ups and downs. These cycles in my personal and professional journey have a significant role to play in the evolution of the person I am today. Both my work and family define me. My identity is linked with what I do, for better or for worse. I focus on what I want to accomplish and that keeps me going even in the toughest of moments.
During my journey, I have had my share of successes and failures, both at home and at work. However it was a sense of hope for the future that kept me going. Whenever faced with a tough situation, I genuinely believed: I can tide over this. Many times the path unfolded before me with ease, and at other times, I had to push myself to the edge. The energy to keep moving against odds was derived from never losing that pure ingredient – HOPE. It gave me the reason to fight, to love and to live. It taught me that tomorrow is yet another day which could be filled with the sunshine of happiness. Hope has been the magnet of my life that keeps pulling me forward.
Over a period of time and through intense reflection I began to recognise what gives me joy. It emanates from the smile on my children’s face and my husband appreciating my bad cooking just to boost me up a little! Going out with my teammates for wine after work, advising a colleague about a work-issue, problem-solving for a demanding business stakeholder and sometimes even letting off steam with peers, have been surprisingly therapeutic. Walking on freshly-cut grass gives me joy, eating lunch in the winter sun fills me with happiness, spending time with old friends, remembering all the silly things we did and getting transported back to being a ten-year-old fills me with a child-like excitement! Getting through college, my first job, first pay raise and my first promotion, have all been such special moments. This sense of joy is very personal, very special. I have enjoyed my time as a daughter, a wife, a mother and as a professional. I have tried to mix all of these together and lived on a high of this cocktail called life!
STRUGGLES have shaped me and made me more resilient. They were never pleasant when they crept into my life and wrapped me in a blanket of darkness. I tried to battle them by finding or creating solutions that did not exist, whilst shielding myself with an armour of hope. Sometimes I tried to wash off this momentary feeling of despair through tears and at other times i just went through it with a smile on my face, but I rarely gave up. I kept going. Looking back, these tough moments have been my most valuable lessons and have led me to successes later in life. Every cloud has a silver lining. Embracing failures and struggles with courage actually propelled me further on the path of realising my potential and dreams that I remain eternally grateful for.
Life is often a travel into a galaxy of uncertainty. We are a part of multiple systems and networks at the same time, but we really may not know how deep and far we have to go. Not all events are under our control as there are multiple forces in the universe that work together or sometimes at cross-purposes, leading to outcomes that may be beyond our control, impacting us positively or negatively. Dealing with ambiguity is far easier if you begin to enjoy it! I learnt that when variables are not under your control, it is prudent to prepare for the best scenario and be ready for the worst. Success is also a function of when and how effort meets opportunity. I do believe that in life there is an element of destiny as much as we need to keep focused on our goals. This destiny is not always under our control as we are a part of the larger universe that we were born in; the play between the forces is beyond us. Enjoy the ambiguity; deal with it by befriending it! Have a plan to achieve your goals, seek support, plan for derailments and set your course. You can’t really plan for what you can’t see, so be gentle with your dreams. Change is the only Constant in life. Just don’t stop dreaming!
We are never alone in our journey. The question is, are we moving along with co-passengers that we don’t know or is there a network of friends and supporters who we have connected with along the course of the journey? There have been many occasions in my life when I was overwhelmed with problems, unsure of the next step. Everytime I choked on the trials of life and raised my hand out of the water for help, someone was there to grasp it and pull me out. There was always someone, sometimes many, who did not let me sink. Reaching out to people reciprocates feelings of camaraderie. It creates bonds. If your efforts are genuine, they only reap positive connections. Not all people may be similar to us in their mindset, but diversity of thought fosters learning and brings about an awareness of different perspectives. For many, relationships, friendships and trust have similar meaning. Not every relationship has to be at a level of close friendship and complete trust. Life is not black or white, there are shades of grey in between which define the various strands of every relationship. Relationships can be on different planes and we can gain varying levels of support from each of these levels. In my journey, this network, whether personal or professional, has been a key pillar of support.
In life, we all meet some people who support us and others who will not be allies and may marr our path with obsatcles. We may unintentionally cross their path or at times, circumstances may drive us towards them. In earlier days at work, I would get emotional and worked up if my trust was breached, or if I felt that I was let down in some way. Over a period of time I learnt to forgive and let go. I am not a saint and I would forgive people not because I accepted that behaviour or they gained my trust or confidence, I forgave them to be at
peace with myself. If I didn’t let go of unpleasant memories they would not let me move forward. They would create distractions and my energies would get channelised towards the not-so-important people or activities. I would rather keep my focus on what I need to do while learning from such people and keeping close to them, to ensure I move forward cautiously. Every person in your life teaches you something. I also learnt to forgive myself for not being a perfect parent or a partner or employee. Recognising your efforts and moving along is the key. You can do what you can do! Too often we are too harsh on ourselves and maybe we just need to celebrate our achievements a bit more!
Commitment is the binding force for what you really want to do. It keeps you focused in trying times and does not let you waiver. Without the constant nourishment of commitment, our dreams can never be nurtured. It is similar to the unconditional love of a mother for her children that really enables her to give more than her hundred percent. For me, commitment came more easily, when I truly liked what I did. It aligned with my values and my soul. Commitment also brought in determination. This enabled me to do things I truly loved. There are commitments towards work goals in my life and there are some key goals that I am truly passionate about at home. It is this sense of strong belief and conviction in my purpose, my goals and relationships that has kept me strongly bound to them. You need to really want something so much that it fosters the strong commitment that drives the effort to make it yours, against all odds. Moreover, without being selfish, we also need to have a commitment to ourselves to be happy!
My relationships define me and some are the very core of my existence. We play multiple roles at the same time, be it at home or at work. We have formal and informal relationships. Some of these demand sacrifices while others are obligations. Balancing all this at the same time requires tough love. Many times we take decisions that are not always ideal, but they will be optimal keeping in mind the larger picture and the multiplicity of goals that we are trying to achieve. When we make choices there is the joy of getting something but also the pain of losing what we let go of. Balancing relationships at home and work is a delicate balance wherein the brain and heart may not always be aligned. Many-a-time we have to be pragmatic, which may be tough and stressful in a few relationships in the short term, but if we believe in our larger purpose in the long term, it all evens out.