Can I Have It All Page 11

  Also, after this experience I learnt that the value and equity we create holds us in good stead in trying times. The organisation and my business stakeholders stood behind me as steady as a rock in this tough experience. Was this because they simply liked my work? Or was it because I was someone they thought needed help? I would like to believe that this was because they saw true value in what I brought to the table. It was also because they knew that I would not quit mid-way or give up. My courage may flounder but would certainly not fall short in trying times!

  SUMMARY

  The common thing across all heroic stories is the intensity of struggle they entail. And the panacea to all these struggles is also common, like the courage exhibited by the protagonist. I view this journey as a life film, full of twists and turns that allow you a chance to emerge successfully. Having witnessed multiple such ups and downs, I feel that each turn provides an opportunity to succeed and leaves you richer with stronger shades of courage. So, if you have clarity of purpose and are convinced that you can achieve it, the next step is to make your choice and fill your armoury with arrows of courage and march on.

  – Courage to pursue your dreams: by having faith in who you are and by trusting your intuition and your judgment – Staying on course and doing what you love gives you a true sense of joy, but also requires you to be tough in the face of adversity. It is akin to climbing a mountain in face of stormy weather without wearing yourself down. This takes effort and mental strength.

  – Courage to deal with biases – be it a cultural bias, a gender bias or any stereotype that you fit in – it can be dealt with creating awareness and facing fallouts with courage. If you think through carefully, these biases are another’s roadblock that you are helping them cross and not really an issue that you bring to the table. So don’t let self-doubt crop up. Look at the situation objectively to identify the trigger. If you see merit in bringing the issue upfront, do it. If you feel it is better to mould yourself without losing your integrity, adapt. Have the courage to change and manoeuvre through the course.

  – Courage to take risks – Never underestimate your own capability. A war is first won from within. So, instead of choosing an easy way out, choose what gives you the required growth to reach your destination. Sometimes pursuing your dreams will entail taking bets and risks in life. Thinking about the worst that could happen and then gauging if it is as bad will help you move forward.

  – Courage to see through the unforeseen – Know that there will be instances beyond your control, persevere and keep the desire to resurface. Your will to stay, give miracles a reason to show up.

  – Life teaches us the lessons that we tend to ignore. There is life beyond work too. We all wish to live life at its fullest. Don’t let the stress and hardship take over your being. Prevention is always better than cure, so adopt a healthier lifestyle to see it through. Without physical health, we cannot really deliver what our mind really wants to do. Whenever we skew too much towards any one dimension of life and ignore others, it kicks us hard to set us right. We need to have the strength and a brave mind to deal with it.

  5 CONFIDENCE

  the key to managing competition

  CONFIDENCE

  ‘With confidence, you have won before you have started.’ – Marcus Garvey

  Confidence is about self-belief, in accordance with one’s skills, competencies and capabilities. This self-belief has to reflect in the way one communicates, behaves and earns the trust and respect of people around him. What we say and how we say it has to be congruent with our body language, tone and expressions. A passionate and purpose-driven approach helps one keep their confidence level up, even when faced with roadblocks. Speaking from experience, I feel that in the face of adversity, this inner strength will never let us succumb to any failure. Your confidence in yourself will help you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and run again. This is not always easy and it requires self-awareness and a pulse of the external environment. This enables one to be adaptive to various changes and stakeholders without being distracted from core values and beliefs.

  Ascending up the ladder poses tough challenges. Similar to moving from the shallows of a river to the depths of an ocean, the new environment, at times, may feel intimidating. I also believe that the problem and the solution reside in our mind. How you are able to hold your own defines the length and success of your journey. What keeps you going is your inner strength, conviction and confidence, and the extent to which you believe in your own competence and the confidence to feel deserving of every achievement.

  MANAGING POLITICS

  The great teacher and philosopher, Plato has said, ‘One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.’

  Well, while inferiors might appear to be a strong term in today’s context, it could well be replaced by those who may not be better-suited or more capable! Be savvy and confident to manage both the good and bad at work.

  How does this really relate to women? Whether at work or at home, women are always juggling multiple priorities at the same time. Deadlines at work, deadlines in children’s schools, meals, birthday parties and so on – we manage it all to the best of our ability! However, when it comes to managing the work environment, research tells us that many women, especially at senior-to-mid levels, find it difficult to navigate the organisational corridors of the complicated matrices. Organisations, by definition, have inter-personal dynamics between people working together. These dynamics, laced with certain intent, could be called politics. These mazes have to be efficiently navigated through to accomplish the appropriate goals, which we set for ourselves.

  I have some experience observing women in this respect visa-vis men and have found out that even the most competent of women employees struggle to manage organisational politics. It is where their confidence (or lack of it) leads to, and at other times, it is a result of their unwillingness to even acknowledge the existence of and need for managing this space! Successful women leaders learn to steer through this navigation much earlier in their career. They learn to think, strategise and execute.

  One of the reasons for this is that often, many women tend to believe that managing harmonious relationships at work is the answer. Keeping this intact at the cost of self-deprivation creates stress. In the conflicting game of chess at the workplace, women often overarch to keep peace and preserve relationships at any cost, even though it may translate to sacrificing themselves or their interests. Their need to be seen as caring, nurturing and a peacemaker can drive them to a tipping point beyond endurance. In such situations, I have had some of my women colleagues bow out of the leadership race. They had decided that it may not be worth continuing work with such hardships. There was a feeling of helplessness and the dissonance of adopting styles not very familiar to them. Given the stress of politics, these colleagues were more comfortable being at home with their family rather than deal with stressful conflicts at work.

  These conflicts, however, are a part of the journey towards leadership, both for women and men. Leaving work at such junctures, may sometimes take away from women what might have been rightfully theirs. Managing organisational politics is not about doing anything unethical but about acknowledging and managing human dynamics properly. In any organisational environment, there are likely to be cliques, friends, acquaintances, and some foes. From what I’ve gathered from my experience, one has to study the environment and understand where and how one fits in. Then, pick a circle of trust and have close associates, followed by acquaintances. Even the ones who seem unlikely to be your close associates should be kept very close! The most important bit is to be aware of what goes on around you. Often individuals may get set up in a complex quagmire of problems because they’re completely unaware of the games being played behind their back! Pardon my saying this, but it is almost like having another pair of eyes on your back. Your allies and close associates help you with it. Women need to step up to the game i
n this aspect!

  It is also important to think ahead and keep the big picture in mind. This will usually help you evaluate the different people you are interacting with at work. You may need to anticipate who might be satisfied or not as you move forward on certain initiatives. By looking at the big picture and the players in it, you can apprehend peoples’ response and be ready for appropriate intervention in case someone stumps you.

  It also helps to validate your actions from time to time. Ask for feedback from people you work with, as one may have blind spots that need uncovering! While two minds are often better than one, bear in mind that not all feedback is accurate so you do need to apply your judgment and balance the feedback with your own conviction. Review relevant stakeholder feedback that you need to address. Manage it constructively and sensitively. Some feedback is data-driven while others may be perception-driven. Perceptions are not realities but they drive people’s behaviour towards you.

  As you grow, there are bound to be people who will be very happy with your success and a few who may not be. Those unhappy people may be apprehensive of your progression (after all, there are limited seats at the top) and may also react negatively to you at work. These interactions are inevitable and depending on your situation, you can choose to ignore them, or deal with them. Dealing with such people, however, requires you to understand and empathise with them first. It is possible that you can convert them into allies by partnering on common goals. This is an option you should certainly explore. It is also likely that you may not ever become friends with them, as they may not be comfortable with you or with your ideas. In such a case, it is best to let them move on. However, be aware and cautious. You can manage your alliances at work to know of any harm that might be directed towards you. Some of these people can diffuse negative energy, which can be vicious at times. If you allow this to take over, it has the potential to destroy your good work. Hurtful words and gossip are reflection of other people’s insecurities and you have to remain calm and objective if you ever come across such situations. You need to be vigilant but also have to insulate yourself mentally to not let this impact you or distract you from your path. It is a must to ensure that your alliances across levels are keeping you strong. Being lonely in such situations can be tough. Reach out to your network for support during such moments.

  In one of my assignments, my bias for action was perceived ‘pushy’ even though it was client-centric and driven with much energy. This created some discomfort amongst some members of my working group. Within my group of peers everyone knew that I was taking the right decision and direction, however few would rise to the occasion to help me manage the political dynamics. There were not-so-noble motives ascribed to my actions at times. I tried to change the style and behaviours to garner better support and improvise on perceptions. However very often, even though one may make systematic changes to one’s behaviour, people around them don’t let memories die. I understood that these issues exist and one cannot shy away from them; they have to be dealt with appropriately and head on, which eventually accelerates you on the path to your goal. Running away does not! During these periods a few credible allies in the internal network in the function helped me. These were trusted relationships that I had built over regular interactions and they were the critical anchor points of support when I faced challenging situations at work. They would provide me with feedback and the needed advice about people that I was dealing with. This helped me keep my confidence in my peer relationships and actions as I managed that assignment.

  SOCIAL CONDITIONING AT WORK CAN IMPACT CONFIDENCE

  Men and women have a persona prescribed to how a woman should behave, work, socialise and so on. Most times, this persona prescribed is that of a polite, gentle nurturing woman, and certainly not assertive and ambitious!

  Hence if one is found atypical by being straightforward, direct, standing her ground at times, there could be some dissonance. I felt this conflict with both men and women around me. I felt some of them (not all) almost wanted to hold me back and force-fit me into being something I was not. Being forward-looking in getting work done was termed ‘aggressive’ which was not a positive attribute for a woman. If I focused on client deliverables more than the norm, it was then termed as being self-centered and not collaborative. I understood the art of managing and balancing internal and external demand, but I also had to battle these perceptions and not let them break me down. It took a lot of inner strength. I had to keep myself focused on my purpose. This could work in different ways.

  Sometimes as women progress to leadership roles, they have to step out of the socially defined box and speak up for themselves. In one instance, one of my women colleagues, was a successful banker and was rated ‘exceptional’ on the basis of her business performance. She had performed her previous role for many years and it had been her comfort zone. An ambitious individual, she had set her focus on a larger role that was vacant. She was offered the role, on the basis of her proven performance, potential to carry bigger roles and her own preference to do this.

  A few months down the line, it all started to fall apart, and I saw it unfolding in front of me. I tried to quickly assess what was really going wrong to help her resurrect. She had lost senior stakeholder’s confidence, the team’s confidence as well as her own. I could see her trying hard, but something was not falling into place. A closer look through executive assessment confirmed my initial views wherein a great performer was struggling to transition into being a leader, as she was not sure how to navigate through the new environment. In spite of performing the larger role she continued to be shy of being vocal amongst the management committees, conflict situations, or in debates with regional stakeholders. Her confidence, which was evident through her technical capability in the previous role, was not being carried through as she climbed the next rung up the ladder. Like most women, she tried to pacify herself and make peace in such situations, where the need for her was to push her way and stick her flag in the ground on her vision and strategy. Her team expected her to take a position for the right reason in tricky business situations, which was not forthcoming.

  We helped this leader with the appropriate coaching for a few months. She underwent a lot of introspection and realigned her style to suit the need of her new role. She found her voice but had to overcome her instinctive behaviour that had been positively reinforced over years, to be cordial and talk less. She was uncomfortable pushing back some conflicts in her earlier days; however, the more she did, the easier it became. It took her a lot of effort to deal with this change as she had to make some significant changes in her dealings as a leader. The most important bit was being aware of what was working and what was not. Finally, she was able to make the transition and stand up to some of the tougher calls her role demanded.

  COMPETITION MANIFESTS IN MANY WAYS!

  ‘Culture makes people understand each other better. And if they understand each other better in their soul, it is easier to overcome the economic and political barriers. But first they have to understand that their neighbour is, in the end, just like them, with the same problems, the same questions.’

  – Paulo Coelho

  Bring together people from different cultures, communities, backgrounds, genders and you have the recipe for a whole lot of different interpretations and challenges!

  I am reminded of the year 2009, one of the toughest I ever faced. After my prolonged illness which I fought bravely and survived, I returned to work at the London office, which was something that probably gave me more peace than hospital rooms and was one of the core reasons of my existence.

  I came back to office and started working towards the annual performance management and compensation process, which was an intensive piece of work at the year-end. Being back at work felt great. However, during that year, there had been structural changes in the team and I had a new manager, Joe*.

  Joe had a different style than that of the team members and the business heads. He was a very e
xperienced, seasoned and inetlligent person but was not very engaged at work. Joe’s urge to be promoted further, contradicted by his lack of engagement led to not so strong relationships with the business. This resulted in some problematic dynamics in the office. Unfortunately, his limited connect in the office started to impact the team members’ productivity, who were struggling with the workload and business issues in times of huge changes in Financial Services. Gradually, this evolved into cliques being formed within the team for support and the environment got a bit dysfunctional. Business started to disengage with the function as well and Joe was not happy with that situation. He was not willing to take the burden of the responsibility for some of these issues. As for me, we had not worked too long together and he had assumed that when I was unwell, business stakeholders would go in for a change and he could have someone more aligned to him, but things did not go in that direction. The business did not want the change. Unknowingly, I became one of the scapegoats of this conflict!

  Oblivious to all the politics, cliques, dynamics, I was focused on my priorities at work and home. At work, I gave myself fully and worked diligently on the initiatives and tasks at hand. This gave me tremendous joy. Also, given the turmoil in the financial industry, the business was undergoing a large restructuring, which had kept me hugely busy with new structure in the organisation, design, and various changes in leadership. I was so immersed in my work that I completely overlooked keeping an eye on what may be transpiring behind me or around me in the function that could soon impact me significantly. I did not realise that ignoring the politics around me was the biggest mistake I was making then. Being an ostrich and burying yourself in work does not necessarily protect you from the knives around you. I did not anticipate that the knife would go down my back so smoothly that I would not even realise the harm. Given the subtle dynamics around me, my denial to be a part of it all was a mistake in hindsight and has been one of my key learnings till date! It was not that I was doing everything right but I missed the gap between my manager and the business I supported. I missed that he felt the need for a change or alignment. It did not dawn on me that I needed to reach out to allies or my network for support or feedback. This oversight impacted me in a way that I had not anticipated.